Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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