do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
