is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
