I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
