i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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