im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
