I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
