Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
