I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
