u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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