Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
where are my eyebrows?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
