I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
