Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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