my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
