I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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