Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
