so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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