thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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