never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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