one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
