SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Bring me that man meat
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
