Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
