we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
