I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
