seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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