He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
