Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
