I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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