just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
