we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
