sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude i'm inner monologue high
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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