I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
