I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
