kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
