Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
