So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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