I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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