my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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