I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
