I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
