don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
