I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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