bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
