I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Bring me that man meat
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
