I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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