well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
