seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
