Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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