My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
ttyl tear gas
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
