Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
