So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
