Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
