Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize