Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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