if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
