If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
