highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
