I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
