You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
