i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
