I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
