porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
