He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
