question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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