at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
