I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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