Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I love you.
Bad choice
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
