if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
