I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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