I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
