OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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