tell your sister to shave her snatch
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
