I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
