Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
