Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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