well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
