Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
