I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
